Raising Teens To Succeed In The Real World.
The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility & the wings of independence. Denis Waitley
It's not easy raising teenagers, especially in our cultural climate that sends so many mixed messages (many destructive), offers innumerable distractions, & poses any number of potential perils for young people.
Are you ready, to release an eagle to soar?
Keep Your Eyes On The Goal: If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. Lawrence J. Peter
Our "destination," in this case, is the millstone launch into adulthood & the knowledge our children will require to do it successfully. This involves:
1. covering the bases with the wisdom our children need for "real world" independent (i.e., what do they need to know?)
2. instilling the principles & values for honorable living (i.e., how they should live?)
3. helping our children discover their unique assets they bring to the world (i.e., "who am I, what do I have to offer, & what are my opportunities?")
Try This: A Parenting Mission Statement
To inspire, equip, & empower our future adults who are admired for their character, respected for their gifts & talents, & remembered for the love & service they gave to others.
We will raise future leaders of excellence who will purposefully & honorably, who will understand & passionately offer their unique assets, who leave a legacy of significance & joyful service, who will value relationships & faith, who will exude gratitude & courage, & who will live with the confidence of knowing they are loved unconditionally & believed-in emphatically.
During this time, it pays to get to know the other voices in your teens life, both the good & potentially not-so-good. Some "voices" you want to be paying attention to are:
Their inner voice (conscience)
Other Adults: have been especially valuable during the teen years, when our children didn't want to hear so much from Mom & Dad. These voices have included:
their grandparents & extended family members,
long-time family friends,
friends from our faith community; youth group leaders/mentors,
teachers & coaches who took a special interest in our kids & invested in them, &
parents of some of their friends.
1. Consider having a "No Screen/No Tech Day" in your household once in a while. (This can be as difficult for parents as it is for teens!) Make an effort to lesson the influence of the technology & entertainment on all of you.
2. Make a list of the five most influential people in your teen's life.
3. Do they align with your family values?
Moving From Driver To Passenger:
The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them. Frank A. Clark
What They Need From Us
In order to accomplish a successful launch, we need to provide them with:
our unconditional love & understanding
our belief & encouragement,
preparation & practical wisdom,
our perspective of their uniqueness & value,
full acknowledgement that it's their live & their dreams, not ours
a healthy & enduring relationship based on trust,
an open door 24-7, &
The authors are Dennis Trittin & Arlyn Lawrence. Authors/Publishers/Writers. Dennis penned "What I Wish I Knew at 18: Life Lessons for the Road Ahead.
Saturday, February 25, 2017
Monday, June 3, 2013
Book Review . Parenting . Children . Child . God . Galatians 6:2 . Shema . Deuteronomy 6 . Mentor . Faith . Grandchildren . Proverbs 18:21 . Matthew 16:26 . Father's Day
I thought that this would be a great book to share for 2013 Father's Day, which will be June 16, 2013.
Sharing tips from a book I reviewed over five years ago.
When a child comes into your home, he or she doesn't come with an owner's manual, warranty, or guarantee. Nobody sent us to parent - training school.
This book won't give you easy answers, but it does offer a road map, one drawn by God himself, who made caring for your family your highest calling on earth.
Is your parenting working? It will never be perfect, but it is supposed to be working.
For now, be aware that you may need to use the word "no" more than you would like in order to raise your kids to be responsible adults.
Frankly, you can't do much about the decisions of your spouse, or even your kids when they reach a certain age. Make decisions about your own life.
God's promise to you is found in an old proverb: "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
You can choose to recover from your family's past or repeat it.
The author admits that there is alcoholism on both sides of his family. His choice is either to recover or repeat, so he choose not to drink.
Dan Chun is a good friend of the author and a pastor in Honolulu. Several years ago, he was looking to hire a youth worker for his church and called the author for some suggestions. The author gave him two names: an all-star youth worker and the other was yet unproven. Dan decided not to take the all-star. He told the author he only hire broken people to minister in his congregation.
Bill Hubels has written about coming to a place in his life where he needed to make some changes if his ministry relationship to his wife, and his role as a father were going to be successful.
He wrote, "there was no way he could continue to lead, teach, feed and grow his church with so many broken pieces rattling inside him.
Paul's advice to the church of Galatia is good for everybody (Galatians 6:2).
VDPs' -- Very Draining Persons
VIP's -- Very Inspiring Persons
We can - and should - make parenting decisions based on the eternal perspective.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 "Shema" in the Bible. It is the Hebrew word from the Old Testament. It means to listen or to hear.
The word "Shema" (pronounced she-MA) - to listen, to hear, morning blessings, bedtime prayer, special dedication, such as "home blessings."
No one is perfect. The cry of the Hebrew people was that there was one God, Yahweh, or Adonai.
Yes, the church community has a role, but parents must take ownership of transmitting faith to the next generation.
Each child is unique.
Every six months the author and his wife spend a half day talking about their kids. What areas need work?
A few years ago the author and his family visited Israel during the Jewish Passover. It was a most incredible time to visit the Holy Land, because of the preparation, Worship, and family traditions that happen at this very sacred time of year. They were doing what the Bible told them to do (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).
At mealtime, read a Scripture, say a prayer, share a prayer concern, and light a candle to remember a loved one.
Storybooks are good for younger kids; hang-out time is better for older ones.
Focus on traditions that are meaningful to your family.
Ten Commandments: Lesson for finding peace in an over-crowded life. Remember the Sabbath Day by keeping it Holy. Sabbath - Rest.
The pace of life is destroying families. It makes good people act crazy and makes otherwise healthy people become vulnerable to sickness, broken relationships and to sin.
The reason the author know and write about the effects of busyness is because it has so often been the story of his own life.
"What profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?" (Matthew 16:26 NKJV)
The author and his wife spend a great deal of time helping people in pastoral ministry with their marriages and families. In this last year, they have heard from people struggling with pain and problems, from affairs and addictions to abuse and wayward children.
So what's the answer yo these pace-of-life issues? The author believes it is found in the lesson of the Sabbath.
A half day of Sabbath rest is better than no time at all.
4 Elements of A Healthy Sabbath for the Burns Family:
Rest - Refresh - Restore - Recreation
Lesson of A.W.E. - Affection, Warmth, Encouragement
Request a prescription of A.W.E.
There is no such thing as a house without conflict, but by working relentlessly to reduce stress in your family, you promote a warm environment.
No one can live successfully until he or she masters self-control.
Your words have power. They can either provide life and build up or they can destroy. Even when correcting your children, it is important to choose your words wisely.
Children need to learn that life is not fair and that there are consequences to wrong choices.
Your words have great power with your children. (Proverbs 18:21).
Your words have power to destroy or to heal. Use your words with your kids to bring out the best in them.
You are a role model to your children.
You are a mentor to your kids.
"Build a legacy of faith for your children and your grandchildren. Continue doing the best you can, and with God's help you will see wonderful results."
There is much to be done and much to be taught. You have learned the lessons of parenting.
The great philosopher Soren Kierkiegaard told a story about ducks that came from an imaginary country where only ducks live. One Sunday morning, all the mother and father ducks headed to church with their children waddling behind them.
They entered the doors and sat in their duck pews, sang songs from their duck hymnals, and gave to under privileged ducks at the offering time. When the duck preacher got up to proclaim the message, he was very dynamic. He opened his duck Bible and screamed, "Ducks, you can fly!" You have wings and you can fly like eagles."
The ducks all chanted. We can fly, we can fly!" He asked, "Do you believe you can fly?" He screamed again, "We can soar through the skies!" They all shouted, "Amen." With that the pastor closed his duck Bible and dismissed his congregation of ducks. Then they all waddled back home.
Your words are important, but they can only go so far. The message to our children will be very similar to that of the duck pastor. After he told them they could fly, he needed to show them by spreading his own wings and soaring above the clouds.
The author, Jim Burns, Ph.D. is heard daily in over 800 communities. He speaks to 1,000's around the world each year through marriage & family seminars & conferences. He earned his M.A. in Christian Education from Princeton Theological Seminary & his Ph.D. in Religious Education from Greenwich School of Theology.